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Dealing With Failure in College |
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When All is NOT Lost: Dealing with Failure in College By Mridu Khullar I grabbed my coat, begged dad to lend me his car, and drove as fast as I could to college. As I anxiously walked through the gates, an emptiness in my stomach warned me of what was to come. I pushed along the crowded corridor to stand by the group of students eager to find out how they had fared. A glimpse of the notice board made my heart sink. The worst had happened. I had failed. Every year, thousands of bright-eyed students step into college with dreams in their eyes. Some make it through easily—many don’t. For students who fail and don’t drop out, it’s particularly hard to prove their worth. Not only do they wrestle with the burden of failing, they also have to deal with the intense pressure of doing it right the next time. And this can lead to more frustration, and ultimately more failure. But it doesn’t have to be as tough as you think. In fact, failing means you’re going to appreciate the value of success even more. Learn From Your Mistakes At a corporate training session, the trainer took out a $100 bill, waived it in the air, and asked, “Who wants this?” All hands immediately shot up, accompanied by huge grins. The trainer then proceeded to crush it, step on it, and throw it around. Short of tearing it up, he did everything possible to batter it. “Now who wants this bill?” he asked. All hands were still up. “You’re like the bill,” explained the trainer to the somewhat confused group. “You may be battered, crushed, or stepped on, but you’ll always retain your value. If anything, you’re more valuable now, since you’ve gained from your failure and learned the true meaning of success.” Dealing with the Blow You may begin to lose confidence or feel yourself slipping into depression, but the trick is to stay positive and learn from your experiences. “Intelligence should never be equated with academic skills,” says Dr. Sherri McCarthy, associate dean for academic services at William Woods University (Fulton, MO). “Most people regard a year or semester’s failure nothing to be concerned about if the student shows that he or she can come back and be successful.” If you find yourself feeling unusually low and without hope, it might be time to see a counselor. Talk to your family, friends or teachers with whom you have good relationships. They’ll be more than willing to help you out. Or maybe it’s just time for a change. “Sometimes having students get jobs and join the workforce is a wonderful way to help them mature and see the value of a college education so they can go back motivated,” says Dr. McCarthy. Beware of the Pitfalls Speaking of staying motivated, it’s easy to get caught up in a web of out-of-control behavior. Many students end up smoking heavily, getting addicted to alcohol or drugs, falling into solitude and depression, or showing suicidal tendencies. “Friends are often the first to recognize addictive or emotional problems,” says Patricia C. Grove, Ph.D., acting university director of Rutgers Learning Centers (New Brunswick, NJ). “The student starts skipping classes, withdrawing from friends, losing his or her appetite, and feeling lethargic.” If you’re showing these symptoms, it’s time to get some professional help. All colleges have counseling and health centers. Talk to you counselor or dean about your problems. “The first step is to admit you’re in trouble and need help,” says Dr. McCarthy. It’s a tough time, but you’ve always got to remember: This is not the end. Gather yourself and start over. You’ve just learned a valuable lesson many people will never get to learn. Ready to Bounce Back Regardless of the cause of your difficulties, you need to set goals for yourself so that you have something to focus on when the going gets rough. Make a list of things you want to achieve, and get set to achieve them. “I did feel down at times. But the process of going through and just finishing college has helped me recognize those emotions and be able to squash them before they get too intense,” says Russell Page, a graduate of Brigham Young University (Provo, UT). What Next? If you partied all semester and didn’t attend classes, or just didn’t do your work, you may not be allowed to return to your college. Your best bet is to enroll in a higher education institution with open enrollment, such as a community college, for a semester. After completing some allotted hours of coursework, you could go back and apply to your original institution. Before leaving the college, though, meet up with an advisor or counselor. He or she can help you determine the real cause for your failure—sometimes, you’re just not prepared for college, either mentally or emotionally. If your failure was because of personal reasons, such as health problems, family matters, the death of a loved one, or emotional trauma, your school may be willing to look into your situation and find an alternative solution. Get in touch with a counselor to determine your next steps. There could be many other reasons for your failure. But remember—you’re not alone. Discuss your situation with your counselor to seek the best routes. If you’re uncomfortable with the counselor, talk to friends or family. Finally, realize that not everyone is cut out for college. “Success in life is not restricted to those with a college degree,” says Grove. The most important thing is to identify your interests—sports, music, writing, art, etc—and make a career in that. You can always check into institutions that offer specific professional or technical programs. Being successful doesn’t always have to do with being stereotypically “academic.” You Can Do It! Think you’re no Einstein? Think again. Albert Einstein found school work extremely difficult and was unable to express himself in writing. He flunked high school math. Later, he realized that his ability was in achieving visually rather than by the use of language. His work eventually revolutionized modern physics. Thomas Edison had dyslexia, which made him unable to read until he was 12 years old. In fact, his mother had to pull him out of high school because teachers thought he was mentally challenged. He invented the light bulb. Who says you can’t do the same? Many professors and deans have known students who’ve failed many times, but went on to become successful people. “We’ve had numerous students who were put on probation but have come back the next semester to do extremely well and finish with a good GPA. Many are successful professionals who went on to graduate school. Most recognized why they had been unsuccessful and were willing to seek help and commit to academic life,” says Dr. McCarthy. Sidebar: STUDY RIGHT Feel like you have a tendency to slip up? Get yourself geared up for anti-failure now. Here’s how… 1. Learn the most difficult material first. Don’t leave it for the end. 2. Think of a time in the day when you’re most productive. Use this time for doing the most important thing—studying. Last thing at night and first thing in the morning are good study times. 3. Every day, make a list of all the things you need to do. Then sit down and do the most important thing first. Work your way down from most important to least important, however boring that may be. 4. Make notes—sum up each paragraph in a single sentence. You could do this with sections, too. 5. Break up study time with short 10-minute breaks. Don’t use these too often, though! 6. Get someone to quiz you. It’s not only entertaining, it also helps you retain information better. 7. Practice tests—as boring as they may be—are essential tools. Set an alarm clock, and get down to it. And don’t you dare get up in between! 8. After each class, revise your notes. A little bit of learning every day is much better than doing everything last minute. 9. Turn the difficult topics to songs, dialogues, or whatever else works for you. Don’t worry about seeming weird (or creative!). 10. Don’t surf the Net, chat on the phone, watch TV, or
listen to music when the books are waiting to be cracked. When you’re
supposed to study, just study! |
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