One of the most commonly asked question journalists and writers receive is, “Who’s your editor at such-and-such publication?” One of the most common complaints is that fellow freelancers and journalists are stingy with these names. While I’m all for sharing of information and contacts, sometimes, I can understand why people want to hold their cards dear. If you’ve e-mailed another journalist and didn’t get the name you were looking for, maybe one of these reasons is why.

1. You’ve never e-mailed this writer before, she doesn’t know who you are, you don’t give a website link, and you don’t talk about previous work. No one gives out contacts to random strangers.

2. You e-mail this writer only when you need something. There’s a writer from one of my networks who e-mailed me a couple of times looking for editor names or pay rates or something. Each time, I would respond and each time that would be the end of the conversation. Here’s the deal: I am not your personal Rolodex, and I don’t like feeling treated like one.

3. Which brings me to my next point: you don’t give, you only take. I met up with a new American writer the other day, and obviously, she wanted advice about how to report in India, which I was all too happy to give. Here’s why this experience was so wonderful: she e-mailed me the next day and basically wrote: I noticed you work with so-and-so publication. I knew them before I arrived, and here’s the scoop on their office politics. And here’s what they’re currently looking for in their writers. Will I help this writer again when she needs a contact? You bet!

4. You don’t use the words “thank you” often enough. When a writer shares information, respond and say “thank you”. When a writer doesn’t share information, respond and say, “No worries, I understand. Thanks for the response.” Oh, and try and mean it.

5. The contact you’re asking for takes very few freelance submissions. Forgive the bluntness and the honesty, but if my editor is taking only one article a month from India and so far I’m the only one providing it, I would be very stupid and a very bad businessperson to then hand that information to you. I do, after all, have bills to pay.

6. You’re going to pass it on. During my early years, I worked for a few months at a national magazine here in India. At this time, a freelancer I knew from an online group asked me if I could tell her who and how to pitch, and without a second thought, I e-mailed her my work contact information with a note basically telling her to send her ideas to me and that I would make sure they got into the right hands. Well. Next thing I know, she’s posted the entire exchange on an online group list. Tip: if someone wants something posted on a group list, trust that they’re fully capable of doing so themselves. Also? Ask first!

7.  You’re a novice. See point no. 6 about why novices aren’t to be trusted. Get a few published clips on your own first, prove yourself to be professional, and have something to give back if you’re looking for true mutually beneficial and meaningful relationships.

8. She doesn’t want to. And you know what, she doesn’t have to. It doesn’t feel right to her, she’s not interested in a relationship with you, she doesn’t have the time, your boyfriend pissed her off in a past life, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Be professional, say thank you, and move on.