Notes From My Journal

So I’m sitting here having the grandest time of my life. I’m designing a website, I’m having fun, and it’s turning out to be pretty darn good.

But am I congratulating myself and feeling good about what I’m doing for my client? Of course not. Because that would make me, you know, SANE.

Which as we’ve discovered by now, I’m not.

Instead, I’m sitting here thinking, this is so unfair. I’m getting paid to have so much fun. Why didn’t they just do it themselves? If I sent them all these links and a few basic tutorials, I’m SO SURE they’d be able to do it themselves.

But they didn’t want to do it themselves. That’s why they hired ME!

Gosh, sometimes I annoy the crap out of myself.

For the Love of Books

I’m continuously having to give up my book collections, and finally, finally, it’s beginning to piss me off.

I’ve dreamed about an office lined with bookshelves for so long that I can practically reach out and touch it. But I’ve moved so many times in the past few years (at least six times in the last three), that it’s almost impossible to take my books with me wherever I go. So I’ve given away hundreds through BookMooch, I’ve donated dozens to libraries, I’ve handed them off to friends, and I’ve even tried selling a few.

Between India and America, I still have a collection of 300 books that I’d like to keep. Some, I haven’t even read yet.

And now, when finally the dream of having that office with books lining the walls seems closer than ever, there’s simply no way I can afford to take my books with me when I move.

That just breaks my heart.

(Productive) Day in the Life of a Freelance Writer

7 p.m. Boyfriend calls. Turn cell phone off, roll over and go back to sleep.

7.30 p.m. Mom calls. “Are you still sleeping?” she says.

“No,” I reply with my eyes closed. “I was napping.”

She laughs. She’s used to my bullshit.

7.50 p.m. Grumble grumble. Force self out of bed. It’s time to start the day.

8 p.m. Call boyfriend in India, wish him a good day. “What time zone are you on?” he asks. “India,” I reply.

8.15 p.m. Shower, make self presentable. Useless exercise, but it’s managed to wake me up.

8.25 p.m. Business cards I ordered have arrived! I open up the box with trepidation. This could go really, really badly. I finally jar it open. They’re beautiful.

8.31 p.m. Make tea. Quickly look through e-mail. Article I thought needed to be submitted in five days has a two-week deadline. Yay!

8.37 p.m. What’s going on in the world today? Read news. Read blogs. More Golden Globe news about Slumdog Millionaire. Nice. Can’t wait to watch the movie.

9.36 p.m. Cook, feed self. Make tea.

10.17 p.m Find an interesting article about in-flight magazines having no more opportunities for freelancers. Blog about it.

10.24 p.m. Make list of things to do today. Realize can’t afford to slack-off at all today. Big deadlines. Soon.

10.37 p.m. Notice that code on website is no longer working. Fix it.

10.59 p.m. Look at e-mails again. Have two from editors who want to work with me, but are offering rates half of what I’m used to. Feel insulted. Reply and say “No thanks.” Have a feeling will regret this later. Should feel good about standing up for self, but wonder if will end up begging same editors for work when everyone and their mother goes out of business. Feel like shit. Fucking economy.

11.05 p.m. Go looking for inspiration. Feel a bit shitty, don’t feel like working, and definitely don’t feel like writing. Maybe some blogger somewhere in the world can cheer me up.

11.38 p.m. Responses to LOIs sent yesterday are trickling in. Most have asked me to send ideas, which is great, because now know for sure that ideas won’t go into a black hole and will get quick response. There are others however, who say things like, “We consider completed manuscripts.” So let’s get this straight. I dig up research, find an idea, read your magazine, do further research, conduct interviews, write an article that will fit in with your style, audience, and format, only so that you can tell me you don’t like the idea? Or so that you can ask me for a dozen rewrites because it isn’t exactly how you wanted? Why not give me that guidance in the first place, BEFORE I write it, like most decent publications?

You can always tell when a publisher or editor is going to be a pain in the behind. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of writers dying to write for this publication. Clearly, I’m not going to be one of them.

11.54 p.m. Start putting research together for article due tomorrow.

12.47 a.m. Never considered self a political junkie, but count RSS feeds, podcasts, and e-mails from newspapers and do a double take. Am writing piece about Obama’s new CPO, Nancy Killefer. Have already done preliminary research and interviewed someone for the piece. Now just filling in the gaps.

1.17 a.m. Haven’t read a writing how-to book in years. Am wondering if I should re-read some of the ones I have. Maybe they’ll serve as inspiration on the down days?

1.56 a.m. Have been e-mailing back and forth with writer friend who is wondering why I never worked on another book. Know I should. Can’t find that one perfect idea that I want to spend a year on. Don’t want to do reference stuff. Don’t know what I want. Have ghostwriting offer that am still negotiating. But own book? Still need a killer idea.

2.14 a.m. Start writing Killefer piece. Already, I’m having fun.

3.01 a.m. Sent out a request on some PR lists, looking for experts to help me with my article on weight-based discrimination. Got a whole lot of experts who’ll “help you lose weight,” but very few who specialize in the part about discrimination. PR people can be really dense, sometimes. Of all the e-mails had to sift through, there’s precisely ONE that is of any use to me. Sigh.

3.07 a.m. Time for some strong hot tea.

3.18 a.m. Need to do more research to fill in holes and answer questions that have come up during the writing. Hope editor likes what I’ve done with this. Would love regular work from her.

3.58 a.m. Done! Time for a break. All the movie talk is making me want to rent a movie. Seems like a while since I saw a good one. I consider downloading Man on Wire, but remember that am on a no-spending-spree, and hence should stop distracting myself with silly ideas.

4.42 a.m. Edits are due on a piece submitted a week ago. Need to cut from 2,000 words to 1,500. Painful, painful.

4.53 a.m. Editing is tough. It’s making me hungry. Make sandwich.

5.17 a.m. Send edits to editor. Try not to get distracted by e-mail. Do not succeed in this goal. Follow-up with another editor regarding status of query.

5.51 a.m. Success! Finally figure out an angle to a story that I’ve been struggling with for over a week. Editor has been asking questions and follow-up questions to try and pin down the story, and without having done too much research already, it’s been really difficult. A new study just came out two days ago, so it’s perfect timing. Phew.

6.39 a.m. More success! Editor loves idea about reslanting the piece to the brief I’ve sent her. She’s asking for two sidebar ideas. Think Mridu, think. Tea should help in that.

6.52 a.m. Clearly, it’s morning in NYC. Editor I followed up with an hour ago has e-mailed back to say that she was meaning to write to me. Has more questions about the idea I sent her way. More research. Sigh.

7.08 a.m. Transcribe interview in order to get research together for an article due in three weeks.

8.34 a.m. Stomach starts growling. Time to feed self. Watch news while I eat.

9.17 a.m. Write blog entry.

9.38 a.m. Am tired and worn out. Still a lot to do, but wondering if it’s time to call it a night. Read and watch news on iTunes while drinking tea.

11.50 a.m. Call it a night.

(Unproductive) Day in the Life of a Freelance Writer

7 p.m. Boyfriend calls. Turn cell phone off, roll over and go back to sleep.

7.30 p.m. Grumble grumble. Force self out of bed. It’s time to start the day.

7.40 p.m. Make tea. Eyes remain half-closed.

8 p.m. Call boyfriend in India, wish him a good day, tell him I’m currently working on his time zone and hence available to talk throughout the night.

8.10 p.m. Cook, feed self. Shower, make self presentable for no apparent reason. Wonder if putting on lipstick to work through the night is a nonsensical idea. Decide it is. Make more tea.

9 p.m. What’s going on in the world today? Read news. Read blogs. Get depressed after hearing that 2008 was the worst year for layoffs since World War II. E-mail client-gone-missing: “Did you get my invoice?” Leave out the part where I call her a cheating lying scumbag who is trying to run away with my hard-earned money. Think that might be a tad too strong, seeing as I was the one who forgot to invoice. Am a journalist. Can keep emotion out of it. Also know that friend works in senior management in that company. Am sure to get paid.

10.42 p.m. Log on to writer’s forum. Make a few notes about new writing markets, magazines that are folding, and editors who are hiring. Go into further depression. Why did I choose this career again?

11.49 p.m. Decide writing “A Day in the Life of a Freelance Writer” might be a fun idea. Retrace steps. Consider making more tea. Decide to wait half an hour.

11.53 p.m. Make a list of the things that need doing today. Twitter it.

11.59 p.m. Make tough decision about responding to a certain new-to-me editor. The work is good, the money bad. Want to do it. But don’t want to continue writing for low pay. Reject her offer and ask her to reconsider.

12.01 a.m. Look at the spring calendar for Berkeley in order to plan the next move. E-mail friends around the country for their plans in May, which is when I’m supposed to leave The Bay Area. J offers to show me around NYC.

12.14 a.m. Log on to Facebook. See photos of journalist friends from Berkeley who’re currently visiting Delhi and Bombay. Feel jealous and a little bit homesick. Call Mom. She says she’s busy and to call Dad instead. He tells me to hang in there; the economy has no place to go but up. Don’t really believe him, but play along.

12.21 a.m. Make tea. Drink tea while listening to music. Sing loudly along to “Our Time Now” by Plain White T’s. Hear roommate’s door opening. Shut up quickly.

12.59 a.m. Spend time researching new markets. Send out three Letters of Introduction and get back one e-mail verification note. Go through due process to make sure e-mail is received. Find this highly annoying.

1.27 a.m. Spend way too much time trying to locate contact information for an editor who works at an online publication, has LinkedIn and Facebook pages, and even writes a blog. But does he put his e-mail address on any of them? Nope.

1.34 a.m. Success. Send off another LOI. Have no idea what they pay, so can’t be fussed to write a query.

1.36 a.m. Get bounce message from editor’s mailbox. They really make it fucking difficult, don’t they? Give up. Need a break. Watch Meet the Press on iTunes.

2.34 a.m. Respond to publicist who’s sent me an idea about a client that (surprise) I can actually use. E-mail and ask for a copy of the client’s book.

2.38 a.m. Friend e-mails to say she’s back in Berkeley and do I want to have dinner? I do. I’m going to have to change my schedule again if I want to see her, but she’s one of the most adorable people on the planet, so I’ll make the sacrifice. She better be buying. Strike that. Tell her I’m broke, and she suggests she come over to my place instead. Agree happily.

2.47 a.m. Have a dozen e-mails to respond to. Challenge self to finish those before starting edits on a piece due tomorrow.

2.53 a.m. Boy, there sure is a lot of e-mail. One informs me that Slumdog Millionaire won several awards at the Golden Globes! Woo! Get all giddy and try not to start congratulating people in Hindi, but am thoroughly pleased that good Indian movies are being made and receiving international recognition. Even if they needed that little support from the Brits.

3.05 a.m. Should stop responding to e-mails. No sooner have I hit “send” that a new response arrives. Don’t people ever sleep?

3.22 a.m. God, how I miss spicy Indian food. Don’t know where that thought came from. Feel hungry. Time for uh… lunch.

3.28 a.m. Eating old (and possibly bad) ham and pretzels (yeah together), and watching a PBS special on Afghanistan on iTunes. Call boyfriend to tell him about it, and he tells me he’s going to Pakistan.

“Bastard,” I say.

“Thanks, darling. I thought you’d be happy for me instead of calling me a bastard.”

“It’s only because I’m jealous.”

“They don’t want your kind there, that’s all.”

“Clearly.”

Have wanted to report from Pakistan since the day I became a journalist. Father was born in Pakistan, back when it was still a part of India. His family escaped to India after the partition. Indian journalists aren’t always welcome. Wonder if the same is true for Pakistani journalists in India. Make a mental note to ask Pakistani journalist friend when I see her next.

3.53 a.m. Reply to more e-mails. Will they never end?

4.03 a.m. Video chat with boyfriend. Make fun of American teenagers. Say “Technology is, like, you know, awesome,” in best American teenager voice. Make plans for spring break and end of semester.

5.15 a.m. Tibetan friend, who is a monk, writes to give an update on his life. He says, “We Tibetans say if you don’t make yourself happy, other people make you unhappy.” Twitter it.

5.27 a.m. Make tea. Hear from client-gone-missing who informs me that she was on vacation and just got back. She’ll be sending out my payment as soon as she can. Feel good that I didn’t call her a scumbag. Especially since I forgot to send her the invoice in the first place.

6.03 a.m. Have four edits due to a publication, so think I’ll finish those off today. The publication is a low payer, but I’ve needed the work, so I’ve kept going. They’ve just slashed their ridiculously low rates by half, so these edits is the last of what I’m doing for them. After that, sayonara suckers. Am not really motivated, but decide to finish these so I can move on with my life.

6.31 a.m. Editor e-mails. We’ve been negotiating. She asked for all rights. Said no can do. She’s just doubled the pay. Realize, as I make a note in my income goals list, that it’s almost the middle of the month and I have met half my monthly goal. Had set a target of three times my average income. Am pleased no end. Realize it’s the second time in a year an editor has doubled payment just because I asked. Must do more often.

7.15 a.m. One edit down. Three more to go. Need to go to the grocery store to buy food. Check the grocery store timings online. It opens at 9 a.m. Good.

7.20 a.m. Just saw a call for submissions to an anthology for women. Totally up my alley. Deadline’s in two days though (why did I not see this before?), and already have three deadlines in the next four days. We’ll see.

7.26 a.m. Books. The heart wants to write books. They’re closing magazines right and left, but they’re still publishing books, right?

7.37 a.m. These are not edits. These are bloody rewrites. Hate, hate, hate this publication. So happy I never have to write for them again. (Write under a pseudonym anyway, that’s how much I detest this work.)

8.05 a.m. Editor of Big Newspaper has asked me to do some research for an article she’s assigned. She wants to know what’s new about the topic I’m writing about. I start with Google.

8.31 a.m. Aha! Have found the perfect hook. E-mail my editor a revised story plan.

8.41 a.m. Am hungry. Time to go to the grocery store. Get dressed.

9.55 a.m. Am standing at the cash counter at the grocery store, waiting for my turn when I spot the magazine in front of me– Spirituality & Health. Something clicks. Oh! Have an article in this issue! Flip through– sure enough, my words and photography are in there. Am thrilled. Try not to point at photo in front and tell people around me, “That’s me!”

10.01 a.m. Buy all kinds of healthy food– ham, corn, pasta, potatoes. Get carried away and spend way more than I should. Then come home and have a big bowl of cereal.

10.08 a.m. To and fro with editor on the story I’m fleshing out. She keeps sending me questions. Research continuously and send back answers. Would be fun if I didn’t know that at the end of it, am going to have a fact-checker on my case demanding proof for every word I’ve uttered.

11.12 a.m. Off to read for an hour or two and then call it a night. G’nite, world.

Update on “To Do Before 30″ List

Fellow writer Cyra Miles Valdez wrote on her blog that I had inspired her to make a list of things she wanted to do before 35. (Thanks Cyra!)

I realized that it’s been a while since I looked at my list of things to do before I turn 30. Let’s see what I can cross out.

001. Travel to 15 countries.
The number is now 3/15. I’m looking at heading to Nepal after June, and parts of South America after August, but that’ll all be dependent on my money situation, my living situation, and my work situation.

032. Read 100 books a year. That’s 400 books.
It’s now 40/400. Pathetic, I know. With all the traveling, I just didn’t have the time to cozy up with as many books as I would have liked.

033. Watch 100 movies/documentaries a year. That’s 400 movies.
But because I was on the road a lot with my laptop last year, I saw over a hundred movies. Total now stands at 117/400.

035. Hug a stranger.
I think I’ve done this enough times now that (a) people think I’m crazy, (b) it no longer makes me self-conscious.

063. Take four proper vacations. – (3/4)
I’ve taken three in 2008 alone. The first was in June when I went to Mcleod Ganj, India, where I supposedly went to work, but finished early and took time off. The second was to Jodhpur, again before leaving India, which was super fun. The third was here in the SF Bay Area over the winter holidays. I’m so happy that I can no longer be classified as a workaholic and that I’m slowly learning the fine art of balance.

131. Go back to school.
I’m really grateful that not only did I get to come back to school, but I got the best of both worlds– I got to come to school, take any class I want in the entire university system, and not have to give papers or submit assignments.

133. Say “I love you” every day.
Easy peasy. I can’t even remember why this was ever a goal. That’s progress for you.

149. Laugh every day.
It’s funny, I can’t remember the last time I was upset or had a day when I didn’t laugh. I really have come a long way.

150. Love myself.
The fact that I can check this one off is probably the biggest accomplishment by far. When I wrote the list, everything else seemed easy compared to this one item. My life has taken a complete 180-degree turn since the time I wrote this list a year ago. But I don’t love myself because my life changed. My life changed because I learned to love myself.

Selling Yourself

I decided to write a new Letter of Introduction last week, since I was bored of the one I’d been using for the past year, it hadn’t really brought in any results, and I felt that my personality didn’t really come through.

I wanted a Letter of Introduction that sounded confident but not arrogant, that listed my accomplishments without apologizing for them, and that told editors what I was really interested in. I didn’t want to bother being the writer who’d write anything. I said in my LOI that I focused on two main issues, and if they’d like to hire a writer for those, I was their gal.

Well, what do you know. Not only did it work, it worked tremendously well. I received eight responses asking for ideas (a 50% rate so far). Of those, I found, some editors were low-paying. I’ve sent ideas to the others and already received two assignments. Not bad.

Part of writing this LOI was knowing that I had something to offer. For a while now, I’ve avoided marketing because selling myself is not something I’m completely comfortable with. When I can avoid it, I do. And I did.

But this whole incident has reminded me once again how important it is to tell people what you’re about and where your passions lie. If you don’t find them, how will they hire you?