Okay, I’m going to go down this road just one more time.

I feel judged. On the one hand, I’m living my dream– writing, learning, expressing, changing, growing. On the other, damn, I’m just never good enough. I meet the journalists who make money, and I feel judged for not being financially successful and for being in debt. I meet the ones who’re apparently changing the world, and I feel like a sell-out for trying to make money, when clearly, I should be struggling for my art.

I don’t neatly fit into either category.

I’ve made peace with the first group. I have done quite well financially in the past, and the $6,000 debt I managed to rack up was all done in a span of less than three months (travel + equipment). It’s not a huge amount and I earn enough that, with some planning, I should be rid of it in a few months.

It’s the second group, however, that manages to make me feel guilty beyond belief. The reason for this is simple: I never got into writing because I dreamed of working from home or felt a need to express myself or had always wanted to be a writer. I had always wanted to be a writer, and I love the freedom of working whenever I want, but part of the reason I became a journalist, and the only reason I stay a journalist, is that I want to be the voice for people who have none.

When this second group judges me for taking on work for the money, they’re really just reminding me of my only battle with myself.

I’m not that successful yet where I can pick and choose my stories. One of these days, I’m hoping that will change.