I Have a Confession

I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies.

Let the public flogging begin. (Though I do own the first four books, so go a bit easy on me, will ya?)

Moms are Free Entertainment

On the phone:

Her: “A book just arrived for you.”
Me: “Oh yeah? Which one?”
“Dr. Jek… uh…”
“What, now you can’t pronounce Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?”
“Now?”
“Well, it was one of your favorite movies.”
“It was a movie? I saw it?”
“Yeah! When we were living in London.”
“Oh, I don’t remember. I only remember… uh… ”
“James Bond?”
“No… not James Bond… that thing.”
“That thing?”
“Yeah, the movie with that thing. You know.”
“What thing? E.T.?”
“No! Not E.T. The movie with that thing! You don’t remember?”
“I remember many things.”
“The gorilla type of thing.”
“Uh… Bigfoot?”
“Bigfoot! Yeah, I remember Bigfoot.”

Why I will henceforth only date well-read men…

1. They realize the rules of language have changed and that “Anyway” and “So” are complete sentences, and do not look at you expectantly when you’ve uttered these words.

2. They feel quite comfortable asking you your favorite letter and then discussing why yes, G can be quite a sexy letter when written this way, but a bit freakish when written like that.

3. They say things like, “That female character in that book we just read? So you! I was thinking of you the whole time.”

4. When you notice spelling mistakes on road signs, they don’t pretend as if they don’t know you. They keep watch while you either tear down the sign, or correct them.

5. They read you passages from books they’ve read, and actually believe you’re listening when you nod your head and smile.

6. They take you to bookstores often, but know better than to gift you books.